How to stay devoted without losing your zest for life

The Loyalty Trap

You meet someone at a party. They’re married. As you shake hands, they glance at you, then look quickly away, avoiding eye contact like it’s an affair waiting to happen. Flirtation isn’t allowed, and even lingering too long in someone’s gaze could be considered a betrayal. To me, their behavior says “I won’t cheat on my partner and I want communicate this.”

That’s what many of us have been taught loyalty looks like.

You’re committed. You love your partner. So why do you still crave attention, playfulness, and (if you dare to go there) a little spark from someone new? Why do you feel drawn to energy outside the bubble of your relationship?

Most people believe loyalty means being endlessly content, never tempted, and uninterested in anything or anyone else. But that binary – you’re either loyal and satisfied, or disloyal and restless – is a trap. It doesn’t leave room for growth, expansion, or even basic curiosity. It dulls. 

And it’s often reinforced by your inner self sabotaging auto-responses (saboteurs). The Avoider who tells you not to bring anything up that might cause conflict. The Hyper-Vigilant who panics when your partner laughs too long at someone else’s joke. These voices say: Don’t rock the boat. Keep it safe.

But playing it too safe isn’t actually safe. Ignoring your need for expansion creates stagnation, or resentment, not connection. 

That need is like a knocking on your door that doesn’t stop and Keeps. Getting. Louder.

Wanting More Doesn’t Mean You Want Less of Them

Here’s the truth: craving stimulation, flirtation or even new sexual energy doesn’t mean your partner is lacking. It means you’re alive.

It doesn’t mean you want out. It means you want in; to a fuller experience of yourself, your desires, your vitality. And your partners – this is a two way dance. Wanting more doesn’t mean you’re selfish. And it doesn’t mean you’re trying to escape. If you’re in a great relationship, you probably want to keep your wonderful partner and all the stability, emotional support, shared history and shared vision.  

If that sounds impossible, maybe it’s time to stop letting the status quo decide what’s possible in your relationship. You don’t have to figure this out alone. If you’re struggling with loyalty, longing, or feeling torn between comfort and curiosity, I offer expert guidance and a clear roadmap. Reach out if that feels right.

You don’t get a gold star for having angelic thoughts, you just stay small to prove your devotion. Is that what you want to look back on, 10 years from now and wish you’d done? 

What If Loyalty Looked Like Growth?

What if loyalty wasn’t about tightening the rules, but about expanding the vision?
What if it meant we keep choosing each other while becoming even more ourselves?

Ask yourself honestly:
If your relationship stayed exactly like this – same habits, same emotional bandwidth, same boundaries – would you feel proud of what you’re building… and of who you’re each becoming?

If not, that’s not a failure. It’s a signal. A call to stretch.
Because there’s more available when you stop confusing safety with smallness. The RichestFullest philosophy is your compass; are you facing uncomfortable but important things, together, with love? 

Your Next Step

If you’re curious – or even slightly panicked – about wanting more, start by getting clear. Where are your desires coming from? 

What’s fear, what’s longing, and what’s habit? 

What nagging, consistent desire is underneath the noise of your life? 

What’s the worst that could happen if you start a conversation with your beloved?

If you feel jealousy (yours or theirs) would tear you apart, try this:
Download the Jealousy Math worksheet to sort out what’s yours, what’s your partner’s, and what might be possible.

Your partner (and you) deserve your full self. Ready to take the leap? Here’s a free guide on how to have difficult conversations with the best possible outcomes.

Want live conversation support? [Book a call with me]

This work isn’t about blowing up what’s working. It’s about stepping through a new door together.  Loyalty doesn’t have to feel like a cage.  Let’s make it a container where both of you can grow, expand, and feel more fully alive.

5 Ways to Exalt Your Partner While Staying Open to the World

Speak their brilliance aloud
Tell them what you love about them, often, and in front of others. Let them feel seen.  Show them you choose them

Let them see you lit up
Pursue what excites you. Let your glow be something they get to witness and celebrate.

Create inside jokes about the outside world
Flirt with the world together. See the whole thing as a shared adventure that will evolve. What fun you get to do this together!

Celebrate their magnetism
If someone’s drawn to them, smile. That’s your partner shining. Take pride in the fact that others see their magic just as you do. That generosity is likely to be reciprocated if you offer it with heart. 

Affirm your commitment
Through words and actions, let your partner know they are your person and you’re so excited to do life together. Including all the adventures and growth that lie ahead.