The “Where did the Love Go?” Relationship

You Used to Love Each Other, But You Lost Your Way

Why You’re Still Together:

• You believe that, with effort, you could get that love back.
• You don’t want to throw away the history and investment you’ve made.
• Despite the pain, you still care about each other.

What You’re Struggling With:

• Repeating the same fights without resolution.
• Feeling unseen, unheard, or unappreciated.
• Lack of affection, fun, or intimacy.
• A buildup of assumptions, triggers and patterns that quickly lead to discontent.

What you can do for your relationship:

• Journal to document your patterns, feelings, ideas and get a sense of what shapes your relationship reality. Do this privately for a month and then look back to see what the patterns are. Once you have enough journal material you can try some exercises (link) to get clarity on what you want and what step to take next.
• List all the reasons why it’s worth being together, including practical reasons or “obligations” (kids, finances). List the reasons life might be better if you separated. Get clear on what’s best for all involved. Try the Stay or Go Matrix to find clarity and direction. 
• Talk with your partner about having a COTA (clearing of the air) and creating a plan to move forward. 

How Coaching Can Help:

• Break toxic patterns and improve communication – Sometimes it’s hard to see things clearly for yourself. Your beliefs are entrenched, and often it feels like you’re right and your partner’s wrong. You can’t see your blindspots, but they’re there. Caring, non judgemental guidance can help you see things clearly, adopt tools that empower you both, and improve your communication.
• Rebuild trust, emotional safety, and intimacy – Feel heard. Reconnect with the reasons you love each other. See your partner with fresh eyes, untarnished by a buildup of negative assumptions and resentment. 
• Find a clear path forward, whether that’s healing together or making a conscious decision about the future – Receive support and clarity-providing activities that will help you map out your reality.  Know you are making kind and conscious decisions for the best outcome possible, for all.